Not today

Yesterday I caught D bending over the radio, messing with the antennae.  I said, "D, what are you doing?" His immediate reply was "nuting."


Seriously?!?  So far he only regularly says dada, mom, mo (more), and dis (this).  So "nothing" was quite humorous, partly because it was a real word and made sense in the situation, and partly because I had this vision of him saying it many times in future years!


Today I asked him if he wanted more goldfish and he said, "not today."  What?!?  Are these real words he is using?  I think we have some very funny coincidences on our hands.


Can you tell I'm enjoying my time off from work?  Even though I did work some today from my laptop, and plan to do a little more on Friday...sorry Roger!  (Roger is the world's best custodian who tells me not to work at home - I listen to you most of the time Roger.  But I promise I'm enjoying my break!)


Stay tuned, who knows what this little barely one-year-old will say next!

Good home needed for good dog

Hey everybody, I hope there is someone out there who would like to become owners of this sweet dog!  His name is Pip, and he was my sister's dog but she was not able to keep him where she lives, so we took him in a couple months ago.  He really is a good dog, but our dog prefers to be the only canine in the house!  We're not asking for any money for him, just want him to be in a good home!

For those of you who might be interested, here is some more info:

- he has all shots updated

- not sure what his breed is, but we think some black lab mixed with something else :)

- he not does have a tail, we're guessing it's his breed, because my sister bought him as a puppy in a pet store, he wasn't abused or anything

- he is very cuddly and likes to sit on/next to people

- he is trained not to get on furniture unless invited

- he is about a year old
- he is very good with children

Update

As I sat in court today there was a moment in which I realized I hadn't prayed since before I had entered the building.  But I remembered that many of you were praying - what a peaceful thought!


We are scheduled to come back to court at the beginning of April, giving his bio parents more time to work on their goals.  He will continue to live in our home, and be a huge source of joy for us.


He turns a year old on Sunday and I cannot wait to watch him devour the little cake I'm going to make for him!  He has not had sugar yet (except for the amount that is in "light" yogurt) so I am so excited to see his happiness when he takes his first bite.  He is quite the little ham when company comes for dinner so I can't wait to see how he entertains when everyone is watching him, and laughing the messier he gets.  He is a regular all star at rubbing his food in his hair, so icing in the hair should be quite exciting!


Thank you all for reading, praying, and loving.  I am continually amazed at our wonderful support system.  We are so blessed by you!

It's here.

Tomorrow is court.  Please pray.  Pray for truth to be seen.


I'm not worried.  I have been for months, but today I am not.  God is in control.  And he's making us strong.


He loves D so much, I know he does.  God loves him more than I do, hard to imagine...but true.  And he is in control of his life.


I'm feeling confident.  December 14th I've been fearful of you.  But I'm ready to face you.  With a smile.  And a prayer.

Please come pray.

I have done a lot of driving this weekend - just got home.  I used some of the car time to listen to a couple different sermons.  And my faith is growing.

(no, this is not D but he does make goofy faces like this sometimes)

You know I think about our little boy all the time.  This Wednesday people are getting together to pray for him and his life.  I'd love for you to come.  7:00 at our church, Jacob's Well.  304 Jersey Ave, Normal.  We'll be praying for him and his upcoming court date on December 14th.  We'll also be praying for a church friend, who is officially becoming the "forever family" of her foster daughter through adoption on the 12th.


People get together to pray at Jacob's Well every Wednesday, but this night is especially dedicated to these two precious children.  You definitely don't have to come to our church on Sundays to show up this Wednesday...or any Wednesday!

$2.76!

I love great deals!  They can be a lot of work, but are so much fun!  I am usually a Kroger and Aldi girl, but this week I am visiting Jewel, and might be there to stay.  They have a deal this week where if you spend $100 on gift cards, you get $20 off your next grocery purchase.  Yesterday I went in and bought a $100 gift card to Sears, because we are planing on buying a freezer for all my sale items I find and want to freeze.  Oh, and of course we'll also use it to stock up on ice cream because we could eat that just about every day.


Anyway, today I went in and, after a few coupons, spent $22.76 on groceries...but gave them my $20 coupon, and got all of the above for $2.76.  That makes me smile big!  And of course I bought another $100 Sears gift card, so I can go back and spend another free $20 tomorrow.

Oh Mary!

Oh Mary, I identify with you more this year!


Pastor Dave has been doing a series on women of the old testament, that were in the genealogy pointing to Jesus.  This week ended the ten week series, with Mary, the mother of Jesus.  Dave used this piece of art to portray her life.

Just look at it!  It says so many things!  Her eyes.  She is expecting much that is to come.  She doesn't know the details, but she knows there will be some rough roads ahead.  
Jesus' precious little baby hair really struck me.  It just shows what a baby he was, a mother's little baby.  He's so tiny, it's crazy to equate this picture with the savior of the world.  Yet that's how God chose to save us.


One of my favorite Christmas songs is, Mary Did You Know?, and there is a line that says, "when you kiss your little baby, you have kissed the face of God."  Wow.  Can you imagine?!?  I can't get over this picture.  How he is leaning on her.  How you know she kissed his face all the time.  I probably don't even notice how often I kiss D's face, because it is so natural.  Can you imagine kissing your baby, who is not just your child, but JESUS?  Mary must have had so many emotions.  What would it be like to be his mom?  Pastor Dave walked us through some of it.  When he was 12 years old she thought she lost him for a whole day, but he was just learning from priests, asking them questions.  How scared did she feel?  She had influence over his first miracle, as she asked him to do something about a problem, and then told men, "do what he tells you to do." She watched him go from carpenter handy man to preacher and teacher. He was so often followed by crowds of people, to the point he sometimes didn't have time to eat a meal.  Her protective mother side may have thought, "you need to eat!" and she also may have thought, "just relax and tell these people you need some time to yourself!"  They had regular mother-son disagreements.  They were real.  Can you imagine her watching him die on that cross?  Many of his friends did not stay, but she was right there.  Close enough to hear his voice.  I can't imagine.


Being a mom (maybe not a real mom, but a foster mom, and I have to think my love is the same!) makes me identify with her more.  For as long as I can remember, I knew Jesus came to the world as a baby, was laid in a manger, grew up to be a man...but until this year I couldn't understand the precious sacredness of it.  What a bond.  She was his momma.  And he was an innocent baby, a boy that grew up and really worked at learning about his Heavenly father.  He studied.  He knew scripture.  He thrived on it.


I want that for baby D.  I want him to grow up loving Jesus.  I want him to crave the Bible and its truth.  I want him to be safe.  I don't want him to feel pain.  I want him to be a strong man of integrity.


And selfishly, I want to be his mom.


I should say what Mary said.  "I am the Lord's servant.  May it be to me as you have said."  That's hard.  I don't know what God has said about our situation.  But I know he's in control.  One thing is for sure. My anguish cannot be compared to what Mary must have felt!

Mr. Mischievous

Okay, little D is no longer just sneaking Bella (our dog) some food.  He is grabbing what he doesn't want, winding up behind his head, and chucking that stuff down to her!  So, this is her faithful post...

How do you teach a 10 month old not to feed the dog he loves?!?!  She actually listens better than he does when I say no.  After the chucking episode (which repeated itself),  he took his little fist to the edge of his tray and as I said, "no, you eat it" he looked me in the eyes and "accidentally" uncurled those little fingers and let the food drop.

We have a very cute but very mischievous boy on our hands, and I have to turn away to laugh, and hope he doesn't see it in my eyes first!

Frowning birds

Today I was getting ready to read with a small group of first grade students, and the book was about birds.  I asked what schema they had about birds (what they already know).  And this was one response:


Student: When they frown it means they're hungry.


Me: stifled laughter, then..."I thought they had beaks, like this." (used my fingers to make a beak shape over my mouth)


Student: (awkward look)


Me: How can you tell they are frowning if they have beaks?


Student:  Their eyes.  When they close their eyes and give you a sad face it means you need to give them bread.

Our 10 month old artist

I can't say enough good things about little D's day care center, and the fact that they attempted this precious art work is just an example of how great they are.  Check out my little's artist's work...

Also, big news in our house - these adorable feet can now take up to 9 consecutive steps!  Yippee!  

Oh, little buddy, momma Sara loves you SO MUCH!

Questions

Why, when I was hired to teach academics, do I spend more energy and time making and implementing behavior plans than I do writing my lesson plans?

Why do I so often work late or bring work home, and still can't manage to get a free weekend without yet again bringing work home?

Why do so many kids play video games way more than they would even think about playing board games?

Why do I wake up tired from my exhausting dreams of real life experiences?

Why do I worry, when God says don't?

How does my love and attachment for this baby boy keep growing every day?

What did I do with my evenings before he came along?

How does my husband put up with all my worrying, and how much I need to talk about it?

Why is God so patient with me?

Why do I crave quiet?

Why do I have so many to do lists?

How many days until Christmas?

Will I be able to relax over Christmas break?

Why do I analyze?

Why can't I just be?


Lord, help me trust you.

I try.

Every day I try, fail, and try again.


"When you have done everything, stand."

He called me mama

Little D has started to babble "mama" the past few weeks, but never directly to me; it has just seemed like he was having fun making sounds. Lately there has been suspicion that he knows what he's talking about...yet I was never there to hear it with my own ears!  A couple weeks ago I dropped him off in the church nursery and as I walked away he said "mama."  Of course, I didn't hear it.  Then last week Micah was home feeding him and I called from work.  He put me on speaker phone and when little D heard my voice his adorable little bottom lip started quivering, and soon he was bawling.  Micah had to hang up and actually get him out of his high chair in order to console him as he cried, "maaamaaa!"  


These correspondences seemed too good to be true, so I told myself it was probably coincidence.  BUT last night he cried out "mama mama" and then reached out his hands to me.  Okay, that one is unmistakable.  I think two things - 1) this little boy is smart  2) he likes me.


I immediately rushed over to him, so happy that he associates me with "mom."  It was quite an emotional high.  But the second after my excitement started it slowly washed away because I'm not his mom.  Right now I don't deserve the title.  


A couple weeks ago I was talking with my best friend who is pregnant, telling her that being a mom brings so much joy.  And naturally my next comment was, "I bet it's so much better when you know you can keep them."  As a pregnant woman who knows she will keep her child, she sort of giggled at me.  But it's true.  I can't imagine the joy moms feel when their adorable blessings do the cutest things, and they know there are allowed to cherish them not only for the next few months, but for the rest of their lives.


Speaking of watching kids do things, we have some monumental news! Tonight little D took TWO CONSECUTIVE STEPS, on several different occasions.  I was so excited that he couldn't help but grin ear to ear, wondering why I was so loud and smiley. This is huge, people! Any day now he's going to be walking all over the place.  Every morning I make my lunch with him hanging on to my leg.  He is standing there while I get what I need out of the fridge, and as I make my sandwich.  Then he hangs onto one leg and walks with me to the sink to put my knife in it, and continues hanging on and taking his baby steps back over to the counter so I can finish packing up my food.  It's quite an ordeal but he seems to love it.  Soon he won't be clinging to my every step, but making his own.  How cool is that?

Foster kids X3

Last night we got together with two other couples that we went to foster care classes with...over 9 weeks we spent 27 hours together so it's easy to get to know people!  Anyway, it just so happens that all three of us are caring for baby boys, and they were born within a month of each other.  What are the odds?!?   It was so great to spend time together - better than I can explain.  They are cool people, are we are all going through the same thing...it was just really comfortable and healthy to chat and simply identify with each other.  We understand because we're all in the same boat.


Another super enjoyable part of the evening was watching the boys play together.  Here's a "no faces" shot of them.  You can tell just from their hands and feet that they are cute boys!  Oh, how we love them!

On another note, this morning we turned on the heat for the first time this season.  Within a minute our macho dog was sitting on the heat register, warming her delicate body.  Bella...she's such a silly sweetheart.

Okay, I'm off to watch a movie with my wonderful husband.  He helped me work in my classroom for 4 1/2 hours today.  Now that's a good man!

Kicked my butt

I just finished preparing for the Sunday School lesson I'm going to teach in the morning, and it totally kicked my butt.  I need to practice what I'm about to teach.  The curriculum says, "Explain that worrying and being afraid is the opposite of trusting God."  I know this, but can always use the reminder!
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Matthew 6:25-26

It also talks about the scripture that says God knows exactly how many hairs are on my head.  (And let me tell you that number just changed because I was playing with my hair while preparing the lesson and I accidentally pulled out a whole bunch of pieces!)  So if he knows the continually changing number of hairs on my head, he obviously knows my concerns, what I need, what I want, what scares me, what makes me nervous.  And he doesn't want me to worry.  He wants me to TRUST.

I typically sing little D to sleep, and a frequent song I sing is an old one I know from a Psalty video I watched as a kid.  Anyone a Psalty fan?  Some guy dressed up in a big blue song book costume...

Anyway, here are the lyrics.  Simple.  Important.  Trusting.

I cast all my cares upon you.
I lay all of my burdens down at your feet.
And anytime I don't know what to do,
I will cast all my cares upon you.

The lesson actually addressed this as well.  How do we cast?  We pray.  "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, let you requests be made known to God." Phillippians 4:6

5 pound wonder

Last night I got to do this...

(look closely - he's sticking out his tongue!)

Yea!  Micah's sister Martney had her baby.  I knew about his birth a little after 6 am, but I had a class after work and couldn't get there until 7:30. It was killing me!  He's so precious.  Cohen David Huber.  Welcome baby, we love you!

Daddy Eric, Mommy Martney, and Baby Cohen

Refreshed

The piece of paper I had to buy online was a fishing license.  And because of the rain on Sunday we didn't even fish...but when Micah saw fishing poles in our car before we left on Friday, he guessed that we were going to my parent's time share in Branson.  Ha!  No!  I love when he guesses wrong on surprises!  We went to Wildlife Prairie State Park outside of Peoria, and stayed in this caboose.

We also went on a long fun hike - one of my favorite things to do is walk on nature trails.  It just makes my body and soul feel refreshed!  Here are some of the shots we took.

The first morning we were there I saw a daddy long leg spider and I was so excited.  Yes, you read correct, I was excited to see a huge spider.  It instantly reminded me of the summers when I worked at Timerpointe Outdoor Center, a camp for people who have special needs.  We saw daddy long legs all over that camp (even in our shower!) so they have become a sweet memory to me.  And this weekend was full of camp like opportunities!  No restaurants or shopping, just being in nature, grilling out, walking through God's beauty, and seeing his creatures up close.  Look at these...I never realized wolves are so big!  These guys got super close to us, and they seemed like sweet dogs.

Micah caught these two bald eagles looking straight at him - so cool!

We need to get away like this more often!

Three year anniversary surprise!

In an hour or so I will be taking Micah to a surprise weekend getaway that I have planned for our anniversary.  I am so excited!  Still got a few things to pack, and I'm waiting for him to get off work...

I'll give you a hint.  I had to get online to pay for and print off a piece of paper that is necessary for the weekend.

I'll update when we get back!

Here are some pics from when we first started dating. :)

Oh good!

Here is a sample of the random conversations I have with my husband.  On the way home from Peoria tonight:


Micah: Hey.
Me: What?
Micah: I love you.
Me: Oh good, I thought you were going to say you wanted a van.


The slight connection in my brain was that right before this we were trying to figure out if two kids in the van in front of us were playing or hitting each other...


Thank you Micah for loving me with all my weirdness.

Cool happiness

Three things.  1) Baby boys wearing new fleece jackets are most adorable!   2) Walks with our little guy and dog in the crisp cool air are so refreshing and rejuvenating.  3) Check out the precious hands of our little D, clinging to his blanket during his stroller ride!

I love this weather!  Thank you God for this season!  17 more days until it is officially Autumn.

Court - foster care update

Yesterday at court it was determined that we'd come back mid December, and that it will be an important turning point in the case.  I told Micah at dinner tonight that I think the next 3 1/2 months will be harder than the last 4 months.  Before, I didn't know details of why he was in care, and didn't know what to expect.  Now I know that if one change is made, he could be returning home.  I KNOW and UNDERSTAND that the goal of foster care is for children to return to their parent(s).  It makes sense, and it could be beautiful.  But unfortunately this is personal.  I love this child with everything that I have, I treasure every moment, every smile.  I can't imagine how sad I will be if he leaves.  I can't imagine how much I will cry.  I cried my eyes out for hours when our last foster kids left, and they were with us a little less than a month.  Little D will be with us for at least seven months.


I love him with the deep love of a mother, yet I am not his mother.


It is an odd predicament that you can't understand unless you've done it.  I really can't put words together to explain.


I need to keep remembering that right now we are doing what God wants us to do.  No matter how this ends, we are giving him what he needs developmentally, emotionally, physically.  He is growing into a wonderful kid, and even if someday he doesn't even remember me (I cry at the thought but it could very well be true), right now I am giving him what he needs.  And I am praying for him now, and for his future.  I imagine I always will.

What is my name?

No joke, in less than a five minute time span today, I was called these variations of Mrs. Stickling:

Mrs. Stickers

Mrs. Stickle

Mrs. Stuckcream

Mrs. Stickaling

Mrs. Stickclean

Mrs. Stuckwing

Not one of these children was being onery.  They really thought they were saying my name correctly.  Oh, how I love the beginning of the year in Kindergarten!

You happy?

This is my sixth year of teaching, and from day one I have kept a quote book of all the funny things my students have said.  I hope to publish it someday because there are some priceless quotes in there!  Today I am documenting some precious moments, not all funny, just some sweet interactions.

A group of four students came to my room and had to bring their snack, so while they were eating they took time to look around the room, and saw our wedding picture on my desk.  One asked about it so I brought it over to the table.  One immediately said:

“You a princess?”

How sweet.  I explained that it was our wedding and one asked, 

“You still married?”

"Yes."  How sad that they have to ask.

 “You happy?”  

"Oh yes, getting married is a lot of fun."

 Tucked in the corner of that frame is a wallet size picture of little D, so they asked about it.  “He in your belly?”  

"No, he was not in my belly.  His mom can’t take care of him right now so I get to!"

 “Forever?”  

"I don’t know.  We’ll see."

 “He happy?”  

Yes, he’s always happy.  

“You leave him alone?” 

No, I was right there when we took the picture.  I was by the camera, I don’t leave him alone.

"You three only at wedding?"

"No, there were a lot more people at the wedding.  And the baby was not at the wedding.  This wedding picture is three years old - it's from when you were only two years old.  This picture of the baby is from this summer.  They are not at the same time.  This one is old."

Confused looks...such sweet things!

It's funny how they totally think "what you see is what you get."  If you're not in the picture, you weren't there.  And if you're smiling in a picture, it means you're happy.  But I am.  Next month is our three year wedding anniversary, and today I booked a surprise weekend away...I mean, he knows we're going somewhere, just not where!

Some of you  have asked about little D's court date.  His parents have court on Tuesday August 30th.  We'd love for you to pray for him, his siblings, their parents, the judge, caseworker, us...everyone involved.  I really have no idea what to expect, we are new to all of this.  Please pray that the truth be seen and that God's presence be felt.

Picture day problems

Some days things just don't go as planned.  Our usual routine is that I wake up and get ready about 5 a.m. before little D gets up around 6 a.m.  Well, sometimes I get so involved in my detailed dreams that it really is difficult to wake up.  Today was one of those days, so I got up late.  I thought it would be okay because the little guy got a shot yesterday and I assumed he would sleep in a little longer.  It seemed to have the opposite effect because he woke up earlier.  I tried to give him to Micah so I could get ready but for some odd reason he wasn't feeling that today.  He wanted me.  It was obvious - there was no hope of taking a shower today.  So I scooped up some toys and brought him to the bathroom so we could go back and forth between playing and trying to make some order of my hair.  I threw some water in it, and some random gel here and there - sometimes on top of wet hair, and sometimes on top of dry hair.  You can imagine that it was a mess but I was in my "I don't really care what I look like today" mode.  

When I got to school I immediately saw that they were setting up for picture day! Yesterday we got an email reminding us that today was picture day, but I definitely did not think about it any time after reading that email.  So...I walked to the bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror for awhile, thinking, "what can I do to straighten out this mess?"  I was wearing a dress that I bought in the juniors section and although it is the most comfortable thing I own, it's not what I would have picked to show up on my ID, in the yearbook, and on all the class composite pictures (three different ones since I teach in three different classes!).  I quickly decided that I could do absolutely nothing about my clothes, but proceeded to take the hairband out of my hair and shake it around a bit to see if I could start over.  Now remember how sloppy I was in applying hair product.  It showed.  I did my best to pull back the fuzzy parts so the camera wouldn't see them but it was not entirely possible. Oh well - at least I had worn cute earrings!  On another note, that comfy dress exposed my unshaven legs because of my missed shower, so I felt their prickliness all day.  Some days you just have to shrug it off and laugh!

But while I'm venting, I'd love some feedback on this one...why do stores sell more girl baby clothes than boy baby clothes?  I have seen it consistently!  And why in the world do they sell socks in size 3-12 months?  What baby stays around the same size for those 9 months?  And why are so many boy socks white?  Girls have all kinds of colors.  Boys crawl around and get dirty at day care and I'd really love some colored ones to hide that dirt.  But guess what I bought today?  White socks!

All in all, I'd say it was a pretty fun day!

Top ten

A lot has happened in the past week and a half, and instead of typing up a bunch of paragraphs, I'm going to go top ten style.

1. I started back to work, and at day care our little guy has become known as the smiling kid with the beautiful blue eyes. :)

2. Micah turned 27 (yes, he is a younger than me!).

3.  Every night last week I helped out with Vacation Bible School at our church.  It was a huge success!

4.  Micah and I went on the first date since...we really can't remember!  A few months.  Thanks Megan for babysitting!

5.  I asked people at church to join me in writing foster children birthday cards and other letters throughout the year and 10 responded.  Yea!  Click here to find out more info, or contact me directly if you want to be involved!  It is through "The Forgotten Initiative."

6.  Tonight we had "back to school" night and I saw some of my students, one who is a sibling of a student I've had for the past two years.  Once you teach siblings, does that make you experienced...or old? ;)

7. Our little man has grown so much in the past week that he got a whole new wardrobe at Kohl's this afternoon...along with some books with plots cause we are kinda tired of reading "red apple...yellow sun...pink bunny."  Seriously, why is the bunny pink? 

8..  Micah's dad came to help him work on the office he's been building in the basement, and it is SO CLOSE to moving our desks in there!  I can't wait to put down my rug and hang up pictures!

9.  I chased money as wind blew it around a parking lot.  True story.

10.  Little D started crawling from room to room!  Watch out!

All packed!

Except for the bottles in the dishwasher, and the bear that he is sleeping with right now, little D is all packed up for his first day at daycare tomorrow.  That's right, my summer of fun is over. :(  I am really going to miss spending all day with him.  Being his foster mamma is so much fun!  The past couple of days he has been on the verge of crawling - he's making 3 or 4 moves (steps?  how do you say that when it's crawling?) and then laying down...then getting back up, moving some more, laying back down...but he eventually gets to the item he wants!  I'm sad that he might start taking off crawling at daycare and I'll miss it.  Man, I love that kid!  So deeply, it's indescribable.  He is so special, so joyful, his smile lights up the room over and over.  If you have the pleasure of knowing him you're probably imagining that smile right now.  It's unforgettable.  And I'm not being prejudice, people comment about his smile in grocery stores, at church, anywhere.  Strangers love it.

Please pray that he adjusts well to daycare because he's in the stage where he doesn't like to be held by people he doesn't know well.  And pray for me that I don't cry too much, or worry too much, or get upset if he doesn't take his full naps while he's there.  I'm such a protective momma!  I just don't want to be away from him...and suddenly I understand why every time a co-worker comes back from maternity leave, they have such a rough time coming back, and their eyes tear up easily if someone asks about their baby.  Now I really get it.  And he's not even mine!  Oh, love hurts sometimes.

A happy mess

Today I made a mess that actually made me happy.  I went into school for a few hours, and looked in a tub for something...which led to me cleaning out two whole cabinets of STUFF in my classroom.  Of course, cleaning it out was not on my to do list, and so my list is still waiting for me, but it did feel good to go through all those materials, and (drum roll) it helped get rid of my dread about going back to work.  I found a whole lot of materials that I had made, or people had given me, back when I was a self-contained teacher and it was joyous!  There was so much I can use, and I forgot it existed.  Funny how you can make something and three to four years later not remember it at all.  Anyway, some of the things in those cabinets were materials I had wished I had for first grade last year.  Others were great activities I can use with the many kindergartners I will have this year.  It was like shopping where everything was free!

Some people clean when they're upset.  I should do this more often.  Not only are my cabinets organized, but my mind is feeling less cluttered as well!

God is already answering my prayers.

The Talberts

 This was written in 2008, but the words are still true! 

Not ready...

Love them!

My Family

They’re kinda weird
And loud
And at times they’re crude
Except for my dad –
Out of all of us,
He’s the only one you’ll hear say,
“Please stop, I’m eating!”

They’re joyous
And fantastically warming
Inviting
Loving
Not judging
Or impressing.
 
They’re real.
 
Why do I say they,
When I am one of them?

We laugh a lot,

And when we play cards,
and games
Around the table
We may get feisty
And we may yell
And laugh
And eat
And accuse each other
And tease
And laugh some more.
 
We’re joyous.

We love deeply.

No matter where I live,

Or how old I am,
Or how often I see them –
It’s good to be
Home.

Scared

I've got to admit, I'm scared to go back to work in a couple weeks.  (I'm a special ed teacher.)  I've been cleaning out my school email inbox this week and there are so many emails that are about meetings, details that needed to be worked out with schedules, paperwork, behavior plans...even emails to myself to serve as reminders to make special resources for certain students, and more about meetings, and meetings...my job has so many meetings before school, during lunch, and after school.  And each of those meetings takes a lot of prep time - many times hours.  It really gets kind of crazy, and it makes me work late on a regular basis.
But now I have a child.  I know he's not officially mine but I treat him like he is and I will be so upset with myself if I keep working late and only see him for 2-3 hours before he goes to bed.  That sounds awful!  I went in for a few hours yesterday, and after a couple hours of organizing files I just wanted to take a break (a trip to Dollar Tree - my kind of break) but I made myself stay because I told myself, "Little D is being watched right now, I need to use this time wisely.  Focus."  So I forced myself to stay.  I'm really going to need help to do that this year.  I get so worn out that my scheduled planning time is often spent eating a snack, going to the restroom, checking my email, and maybe setting out materials for my next lesson.  That's about all my brain can handle so that's all that gets accomplished.  Somehow I need to be better this year.  I was thinking that if I put a picture of "little D" on my desk, that it will serve as motivation to focus every minute that I'm there, so I can pick him up at daycare sooner.  But another part of me wonders if I should be so rigid all day...how will I survive and still love my students if I don't give myself to reflect and breath a bit?  You teachers out there understand - our jobs are not just about planning and teaching.  It's often about teaching kids how to make good choices, giving creative consequences when they do not, rewarding them when they do, and making split second decisions that may affect a student's mood and behavior for the rest of the day.  We're always looking for situations we can diffuse before they start, all the while trying to teach!  It can be so exhausting.
So I'm scared.
I'm scared of how to balance being a special ed teacher with being a wife and mom.  I've always had high expectations for myself, so much of my time is spent at school.  And much of my evenings have been spent thinking about or preparing for school, while I'm at home.  Something's got to give...but I love my students so much!  Yet family comes first, right?  Yes.  I pray that God, my husband, co-workers, and other friends keep me accountable.  Help!

Vimla - better than I

Somedays, well most days, I go out to get the mail and am disappointed that I even walked out to the mailbox because all I find is junk mail.  Yesterday was a jackpot day where there were several interesting things to open (they all come in one day, don't they?) and one was a letter from the girl I sponsor through Compassion International.  She is from India and her name is Vimla.  We've written back and forth for the past few years, but I've never written as often as I should.  And I'm sad to say that sometimes the only time I pray for her during a month's time is in the second when I'm checking my online banking, and see that my financial support to her for the month has cleared.  How sad.  From what I can gather from her letters, she prays for me more than I pray for her.  It makes me disappointed in myself when I let (make?) myself reflect on that fact...because she probably needs more prayer than I do.  Maybe that's an assumption of her surroundings versus mine, but in anycase I am proud of her, and wish I was better.  One thing she said at the end of her letter sent a thud to my chest.  She asked if I had any specific prayer requests, and said that she would pray for me.  It was so precious that I took a picture of it to share with you.  Look at the last line in the second picture.

The thing is, I know that she will pray for me.  Oh, the beautiful hearts of children.  I recently read, Too Small to Ignore by the CEO of Compassion International and it pricked my heart in a way that ironically...I can't ignore.  I took a lot of notes when I read the book (I know, you can make fun of me if you wan't but I'm a note taker), and two of the ideas come back to my mind often.


*Listen to children.


*Every encounter you have with a child is a divine appointment.


I could go on a long tangent here about how people cut off children from speaking, and don't ask them questions about what they care about...and how it's hard to get people to volunteer to work in the nursery or teach sunday school...or how we say children are our future instead of see their importance now...but I won't. ;)  I'm just as guilty of these things - or at least of doing them with a good attitude.  And if I give without love to back up my actions, I'm like an annoying clanging cymbal, right? (I Corinthians 13:1)


Now, sorry to be bossy, but please reread those two points.  They could change a child's life.

Poetry (the non-rhyming kind)

I am posting some poetry in hopes that it will motivate me to come back and write more.  Most of these are from the spring of 2008, when I took a writing class and cautiously stepped into the poetry world.  I never knew how much I'd love it!  I'll just start with a couple for today.  I had forgotten about the first one and it almost brought tears to my eyes when I read it just now.  It was written about my 1st grade special ed students when I taught a self-contained class.  I think much of my actions are the same now (I hope!) but it does make me miss self-contained a bit...I had so much more time with them - I miss those daily hello's and goodbyes at the beginning and end of the day.

What Really Matters

Do they get it?

Do they understand why some letters have multiple sounds?

Do they know which five letters are vowels, and why they are different than consonants?

Can their minds stretch to capture the difference between to, too, and two?

Is there any way to explain to them what a proper noun is,

And why “I” is always capitalized, but “a” only some of the time?

Do they get it?

They smile when I point out their new shirt.

They wear that same shirt two or three times in a week

Because they know I like it.

They come to school ready to show me a new haircut

And I know that my comment of, “You’re looking good!”

Means the world to them.

My careful observation – they get it.

Does it make any sense to them that the equal sign

Is sometimes made up of one line, and other times of two?

Can they discriminate between fifteen and their made up “fiveteen”?

Do they see why I tell them the number they see is not 41, but 14?

Does it confuse them when I say add, plus, take away, and subtract?

Do they get it?

I casually rub their head or play with their hair as I walk by their desks.

I put my arm around them when they come close to me.

I give high fives and huge smiles to congratulate them.

I say hello to each student – by name – as they enter every single morning.

They randomly come up during the school day to give me a hug.

I stroke their head, touch their back, or give each a hug before they go;

They know they are not allowed to leave without saying goodbye.

My touch – they get it.

Do they understand the weather?

Life cycles?

Food chains?

Forests, swamps, and deserts?

Do they get it?

They know my expectations

Academically

Socially

They know I will not take excuses

On behavior or their work

They see my tough love.

They get it.

What matters more?

Expectations, follow-through, and love?
Or skills that may get them through life?

Can one succeed without the other?

My love – they get it.

Change of pace - the next one is short and lighthearted...

A Terrible, Heart-wrenching, Heart-breaking, Wonderful, Life-giving, Rich Experience

I knew Mike back in high school and stumbled across this video today.  It's of him and his wife talking about their foster care experiences.  It gave me encouragement that I needed to hear, and it echoes the cry of our hearts.  Their words are honest and simply beautiful.  Click on the link below to watch it.  You might have to buffer for a few seconds but it is totally worth it!

Mike & Sarah Sheagren on Foster Care

Muddy brain

Do you ever feel muddy in the brain?  Your mind is going so many directions and you have so many thoughts, but when you try to put one, just one of them, into a clear sentence or idea you can't do it.  That's how I am today.  There are so many sad things that have happened in the past few days...everyone's talking about the Casey Anthony trial...and one of my friend's husbands is in the hospital with a situation that could be really serious, another friend was in the hospital for 9 hours (the hospital had lost power and was running on generators) because he hurt his neck diving into shallow water...and I heard last night of someone else with cancer - it just doesn't seem fair.  It's hard to know what to pray, but sometimes my prayer is simply, "Lord, take what was meant for evil and turn it into good." 
Take all of those "muddled" thoughts and pair them with my day to day wanderings (such as "little D" and the path his life will take), and it can make me a mess.  Much uncertainty.  So I went to my journal today.  I ended with a realization that really is not a new one.  I am a worrier.  I told God I'm sorry that I worry instead of trust.  I've done it for as long as I can remember.  He has taught me so much about trusting, but I keep having trouble really latching onto it.  I think it's because I like control.  It's stupid, really, when I think I can control something better than God.  He is sovereign, and I seem to have to continually remind myself of that.  An all-important concept that I somehow keep losing and regaining.  I shouldn't though...look at this:

and this

I took these last night, how beautiful.  How wonderful...I recently heard that if we use the word wonderful there should be wonder about it.  Strawberries are not wonderful and even chocolate brownies are not wonderful (although they make me very happy), but this sunset is WONDERful.  How does he think up and create such beautiful sunsets, different ones every night?  It's easy for him, he has everything planned...just like he has planned every moment of my life.  I need to trust.  And to have a "God entranced vision of all things" (Jonathan Edwards).