Court - foster care update

Yesterday at court it was determined that we'd come back mid December, and that it will be an important turning point in the case.  I told Micah at dinner tonight that I think the next 3 1/2 months will be harder than the last 4 months.  Before, I didn't know details of why he was in care, and didn't know what to expect.  Now I know that if one change is made, he could be returning home.  I KNOW and UNDERSTAND that the goal of foster care is for children to return to their parent(s).  It makes sense, and it could be beautiful.  But unfortunately this is personal.  I love this child with everything that I have, I treasure every moment, every smile.  I can't imagine how sad I will be if he leaves.  I can't imagine how much I will cry.  I cried my eyes out for hours when our last foster kids left, and they were with us a little less than a month.  Little D will be with us for at least seven months.


I love him with the deep love of a mother, yet I am not his mother.


It is an odd predicament that you can't understand unless you've done it.  I really can't put words together to explain.


I need to keep remembering that right now we are doing what God wants us to do.  No matter how this ends, we are giving him what he needs developmentally, emotionally, physically.  He is growing into a wonderful kid, and even if someday he doesn't even remember me (I cry at the thought but it could very well be true), right now I am giving him what he needs.  And I am praying for him now, and for his future.  I imagine I always will.

What is my name?

No joke, in less than a five minute time span today, I was called these variations of Mrs. Stickling:

Mrs. Stickers

Mrs. Stickle

Mrs. Stuckcream

Mrs. Stickaling

Mrs. Stickclean

Mrs. Stuckwing

Not one of these children was being onery.  They really thought they were saying my name correctly.  Oh, how I love the beginning of the year in Kindergarten!

You happy?

This is my sixth year of teaching, and from day one I have kept a quote book of all the funny things my students have said.  I hope to publish it someday because there are some priceless quotes in there!  Today I am documenting some precious moments, not all funny, just some sweet interactions.

A group of four students came to my room and had to bring their snack, so while they were eating they took time to look around the room, and saw our wedding picture on my desk.  One asked about it so I brought it over to the table.  One immediately said:

“You a princess?”

How sweet.  I explained that it was our wedding and one asked, 

“You still married?”

"Yes."  How sad that they have to ask.

 “You happy?”  

"Oh yes, getting married is a lot of fun."

 Tucked in the corner of that frame is a wallet size picture of little D, so they asked about it.  “He in your belly?”  

"No, he was not in my belly.  His mom can’t take care of him right now so I get to!"

 “Forever?”  

"I don’t know.  We’ll see."

 “He happy?”  

Yes, he’s always happy.  

“You leave him alone?” 

No, I was right there when we took the picture.  I was by the camera, I don’t leave him alone.

"You three only at wedding?"

"No, there were a lot more people at the wedding.  And the baby was not at the wedding.  This wedding picture is three years old - it's from when you were only two years old.  This picture of the baby is from this summer.  They are not at the same time.  This one is old."

Confused looks...such sweet things!

It's funny how they totally think "what you see is what you get."  If you're not in the picture, you weren't there.  And if you're smiling in a picture, it means you're happy.  But I am.  Next month is our three year wedding anniversary, and today I booked a surprise weekend away...I mean, he knows we're going somewhere, just not where!

Some of you  have asked about little D's court date.  His parents have court on Tuesday August 30th.  We'd love for you to pray for him, his siblings, their parents, the judge, caseworker, us...everyone involved.  I really have no idea what to expect, we are new to all of this.  Please pray that the truth be seen and that God's presence be felt.

Picture day problems

Some days things just don't go as planned.  Our usual routine is that I wake up and get ready about 5 a.m. before little D gets up around 6 a.m.  Well, sometimes I get so involved in my detailed dreams that it really is difficult to wake up.  Today was one of those days, so I got up late.  I thought it would be okay because the little guy got a shot yesterday and I assumed he would sleep in a little longer.  It seemed to have the opposite effect because he woke up earlier.  I tried to give him to Micah so I could get ready but for some odd reason he wasn't feeling that today.  He wanted me.  It was obvious - there was no hope of taking a shower today.  So I scooped up some toys and brought him to the bathroom so we could go back and forth between playing and trying to make some order of my hair.  I threw some water in it, and some random gel here and there - sometimes on top of wet hair, and sometimes on top of dry hair.  You can imagine that it was a mess but I was in my "I don't really care what I look like today" mode.  

When I got to school I immediately saw that they were setting up for picture day! Yesterday we got an email reminding us that today was picture day, but I definitely did not think about it any time after reading that email.  So...I walked to the bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror for awhile, thinking, "what can I do to straighten out this mess?"  I was wearing a dress that I bought in the juniors section and although it is the most comfortable thing I own, it's not what I would have picked to show up on my ID, in the yearbook, and on all the class composite pictures (three different ones since I teach in three different classes!).  I quickly decided that I could do absolutely nothing about my clothes, but proceeded to take the hairband out of my hair and shake it around a bit to see if I could start over.  Now remember how sloppy I was in applying hair product.  It showed.  I did my best to pull back the fuzzy parts so the camera wouldn't see them but it was not entirely possible. Oh well - at least I had worn cute earrings!  On another note, that comfy dress exposed my unshaven legs because of my missed shower, so I felt their prickliness all day.  Some days you just have to shrug it off and laugh!

But while I'm venting, I'd love some feedback on this one...why do stores sell more girl baby clothes than boy baby clothes?  I have seen it consistently!  And why in the world do they sell socks in size 3-12 months?  What baby stays around the same size for those 9 months?  And why are so many boy socks white?  Girls have all kinds of colors.  Boys crawl around and get dirty at day care and I'd really love some colored ones to hide that dirt.  But guess what I bought today?  White socks!

All in all, I'd say it was a pretty fun day!

Top ten

A lot has happened in the past week and a half, and instead of typing up a bunch of paragraphs, I'm going to go top ten style.

1. I started back to work, and at day care our little guy has become known as the smiling kid with the beautiful blue eyes. :)

2. Micah turned 27 (yes, he is a younger than me!).

3.  Every night last week I helped out with Vacation Bible School at our church.  It was a huge success!

4.  Micah and I went on the first date since...we really can't remember!  A few months.  Thanks Megan for babysitting!

5.  I asked people at church to join me in writing foster children birthday cards and other letters throughout the year and 10 responded.  Yea!  Click here to find out more info, or contact me directly if you want to be involved!  It is through "The Forgotten Initiative."

6.  Tonight we had "back to school" night and I saw some of my students, one who is a sibling of a student I've had for the past two years.  Once you teach siblings, does that make you experienced...or old? ;)

7. Our little man has grown so much in the past week that he got a whole new wardrobe at Kohl's this afternoon...along with some books with plots cause we are kinda tired of reading "red apple...yellow sun...pink bunny."  Seriously, why is the bunny pink? 

8..  Micah's dad came to help him work on the office he's been building in the basement, and it is SO CLOSE to moving our desks in there!  I can't wait to put down my rug and hang up pictures!

9.  I chased money as wind blew it around a parking lot.  True story.

10.  Little D started crawling from room to room!  Watch out!

All packed!

Except for the bottles in the dishwasher, and the bear that he is sleeping with right now, little D is all packed up for his first day at daycare tomorrow.  That's right, my summer of fun is over. :(  I am really going to miss spending all day with him.  Being his foster mamma is so much fun!  The past couple of days he has been on the verge of crawling - he's making 3 or 4 moves (steps?  how do you say that when it's crawling?) and then laying down...then getting back up, moving some more, laying back down...but he eventually gets to the item he wants!  I'm sad that he might start taking off crawling at daycare and I'll miss it.  Man, I love that kid!  So deeply, it's indescribable.  He is so special, so joyful, his smile lights up the room over and over.  If you have the pleasure of knowing him you're probably imagining that smile right now.  It's unforgettable.  And I'm not being prejudice, people comment about his smile in grocery stores, at church, anywhere.  Strangers love it.

Please pray that he adjusts well to daycare because he's in the stage where he doesn't like to be held by people he doesn't know well.  And pray for me that I don't cry too much, or worry too much, or get upset if he doesn't take his full naps while he's there.  I'm such a protective momma!  I just don't want to be away from him...and suddenly I understand why every time a co-worker comes back from maternity leave, they have such a rough time coming back, and their eyes tear up easily if someone asks about their baby.  Now I really get it.  And he's not even mine!  Oh, love hurts sometimes.

A happy mess

Today I made a mess that actually made me happy.  I went into school for a few hours, and looked in a tub for something...which led to me cleaning out two whole cabinets of STUFF in my classroom.  Of course, cleaning it out was not on my to do list, and so my list is still waiting for me, but it did feel good to go through all those materials, and (drum roll) it helped get rid of my dread about going back to work.  I found a whole lot of materials that I had made, or people had given me, back when I was a self-contained teacher and it was joyous!  There was so much I can use, and I forgot it existed.  Funny how you can make something and three to four years later not remember it at all.  Anyway, some of the things in those cabinets were materials I had wished I had for first grade last year.  Others were great activities I can use with the many kindergartners I will have this year.  It was like shopping where everything was free!

Some people clean when they're upset.  I should do this more often.  Not only are my cabinets organized, but my mind is feeling less cluttered as well!

God is already answering my prayers.