2014 Christmas letter

     This year brought many changes!  On January 20th, Levi Joel was born.  Levi means "connected to" and Joel means "God is Yahweh" so our prayer is that he always be connected to Yahweh.  The first week of Levi's life was very eventful, as he spent it in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.  He was having trouble breathing because a small portion of his lung had collapsed, but it repaired itself and he has not had any problems since. We are so grateful for him, his sweet cuddles, contagious laugh and smile, and his intense dancing.  He and Silas have a powerful bond and love playing with each other. Silas is often eager to help by running to get something that Levi needs, and Levi loves to tag along and play with Silas' toys.
     In July I applied for and received a new teaching position, only two minutes from our house! I start and end my work day an hour earlier than I did in my old school district, so I am enjoying the extra afternoon time with our kids. I am still teaching special education resource (parts of my day are spent with small groups in my room and other parts are spent with students in general education rooms), with Kindergarten through 2nd grade students.  I am still getting used to changes of being in a new district, but I love the special community that a smaller district has, and also enjoy having my own classroom! Silas started half-day preschool at what he calls "our school" this year, and loves it!  We really enjoy seeing each other in the hallway, and although there is an occasional scream of "that's my mom!" as I walk by, he is pretty good at just giving me an adorable grin and waving when we see each other.
     Perhaps the biggest change for our family this year is that Micah has gone back to school for Engineering; he is leaning toward Civil Engineering.  He just finished his first semester of what will be four years of school, and he got straight A's!  He will be attending Heartland Community College for the first two years, and then hopes to transfer to U of I or Bradley as a Junior.  He had afternoon and evening classes this semester, and was able to watch the boys two days a week.  They sure cherish that time with him!  On the days that Micah studies and has class, they go to a lady right outside of town.  It's perfect for Silas because she lives on a farm and he loves getting dirty and "helping" her pick tomatoes, rake, and dig holes. Levi loves to do whatever Silas is doing, so I assume he will do the same as he gets older!
     The year has had its difficulties, with learning to balance life with two kids and Micah in school but as Colossians 2:7 says, we try our best to "live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as we were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness."  I'm so grateful for our simple house that doesn't stay clean for very long at a time, for my new job that is less stressful than my last one, for my husband who is such a good student...and I am forever and deeply grateful for our boys, both of which were brought to us in special ways.  We went through years of struggles to get both of them and I never take that for granted.  They are such blessings, and make my heart melt many times a day.

Look how they've grown...

Praying that you are blessed during this season!
Sara (and Micah, Silas, and Levi)

Just a little crazy

This morning I felt like I was in a multi-tasking challenge.  I had sent Silas to time-out for telling me never to talk to him again, while Levi was refusing to finish nursing.  Eventually I put Levi down so I could pump what he didn’t eat.  Silas kept popping his head out of his room and asking “peas me come out now?” and Bella was barking and hopping around because she needed to be taken outside.  Levi fussing, me pumping, Silas asking to come out, Bella barking and hopping.  It felt a little chaotic but it got worse.  Soon I found out why Levi had been so fussy – he had what I call a volcanic poop.  The kind you have to change as soon as you hear them explode or you might have to change more than his diaper.  About this time Silas again asked if he could come out and when I said no he replied, “I don’t want to come out ever again!” I hoped that “ever again” would last five minutes so I could take care of the craziness surrounding me.  I hurried up and finished pumping, while continually telling Silas he couldn’t come out yet, all the while trying to figure out what my next move should be.  I went over to Levi and saw this…

That is a tame picture.  Be glad I am not posting what it looked like once I removed his shirt!  Well once I saw that the damage was already done and it would be a process to clean, I decided to take Bella outside.  I figured that I could make things a little less complicated by removing the barking dog from the equation.  So I took her out and the little stinker did NO business – she just ate grass.  I brought her back inside, and started to tackle the challenge of changing Levi.  Before I got his shirt off, my phone rang.  It was our pediatrician calling me back and I didn’t want to miss the call.  I thought I had poo on my left hand, so I answered with my right.  Now…nurse on the phone, poopy baby smiling at me, Silas sitting right there watching since I had told him he could get out of his room.  I soon saw that this clean up would need to include a bath, so after I hung up I asked my little helper Silas to get the baby bathtub and put it in the regular bathtub.  Then I got the bath water ready, while singing a song I made up, entitled, “Please don’t pee on me, Levi.”  I normally have everything ready and take off his diaper at the last second to avoid him peeing on me, but there was no choice this time.  Then I set him on our bed for less than ten seconds so I could prep one more thing, and when I walked back to him he was displaying a lovely fountain that had no place to land but on our bed.  I guess I should have sung, “Please don’t pee on our bed, Levi.”  Next time.  Peeing on our bed was extra special because an hour earlier I had stripped the sheets and comforter to wash them.  He had spit up on our bed a few days prior and I had been so tired that I just scooted over and tried not to sleep in it.  Gross, I know, but it’s my reality.  I was proud of myself for remembering the old spit up this morning, and washing everything.  My great initiative provided him a new opportunity to pee on our mattress cover, thus another load of laundry to run.  At this point I just laughed.  Laughed, laughed, laughed.  Did all of that really happen in a matter of minutes?  But we made it!  Then we celebrated by putting Levi in my new ergo baby carrier and taking Bella for a walk!  It was great to get out of the house!

People have asked if I am enjoying my summer.  I really, really am.  I am so glad that my job allows me to be a stay-at-home-mom during June and July.  I get smiles, and funny quotes, and coos throughout the day.  I get, "I wuv you mom" and "mom, he smiled at me!" and "I want to snuggle you mom." My heart bursts with joy.  But I’m also glad when my two little bundles take naps at the same time so that I can blog instead of cleaning the kitchen like I should be doing right now.  

Love my miracle boys!  God so obviously placed them together.  They love each other so much.  Just look...

Look closely - Bella is in this one. :)

The Real Story

One month ago today, early in the morning, I told my Dr., "It's miracle day!" And then he prayed with me. Twenty minutes later I heard baby Levi's precious cry. I was so grateful. Tears streamed as I waited to hold him. 

I was overwhelmed when I did hold him, amazed that our miracle was here, and that he was ok. I couldn't believe that I was holding him in our hospital room, that this was real. But within minutes they took him a few feet from us, to monitor his breathing. I soon heard, "This is not good enough for him to stay here." And those dreams of holding my baby and watching him all day on the day of his birth were gone. I became a visitor in the hospital, who happened to also be a patient. I had to be wheeled down the hallway to see my son, and our lives became ones of anxiously watching the monitors that were connected to his tiny body.  

Two days later we were visiting him in the special care nursery and were told that they'd found through x-ray that he had a small hole in his lung - that part of it had collapsed. "Collapsed" is such an ugly and scary word. They said they wanted to transfer him to OSF in Peoria so that if he needed a procedure he would already be there, versus moving him when he was not as stable. We quickly found ourselves in a whirlwind of packing, making phone calls, and doing all the little things that we had to do in order for me to be discharged a day early. The OSF team arrived and prepped Levi to be transferred by ambulance in an incubator. He looked so peaceful. 

I am so grateful for the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit at OSF. It is obvious that they are experts, and they do a wonderful job communicating with each other and with patients' parents. We were thanking God for such a solid place so close to home. After four days that felt like two weeks (don't underestimate the blessing of your own bed and shower!) we were told that we could take our precious Levi home. The hole had sealed up on its own, and after multiple days of questioning it, his numbers stayed stable when eating or upset. 

And then came the time at home. This is when I experienced once again the full realization that I am not a perfect mom, and being a mom can be very difficult. I'm not going to pretend that life has been nothing but cuddles, or that I've had a lot of time to watch the Olympics or make nice meals, or shower every day, or respond to texts and emails the same day I receive them, or post cute pictures on Facebook. It's been about survival, but I am feeling more like a human now. Levi is such a good baby. His grandmas say he is perfect. He rarely cries without a reason that is easily fixable. I am aware how fortunate we are, and so grateful. I have no idea how I'd cope with taking care of Silas and a fussy baby. 

Hats off to those of you who can manage to do the above! Just being honest that I can't. In fact, it took me pieces of four different days to even write this blog post.  When I told my cousin what I was writing she quickly responded, "I'm so thankful Jesus was perfect in our place and I don't have to be." Wise words.

Crazy hair on a non-shower day

I have shed a lot of tears. Tears from pain and soreness, of being overwhelmed with the daunting task of breastfeeding through complications, and of taking care of a newborn and active three year old while adjusting to extreme lack of sleep. But sometimes my tears are of pure joy! I look at Levi and I still can't believe he is here. I tell him he's a miracle and that we prayed for him long before he existed. I cry because I am so thankful for our family of four. It hits me hard and deep. I am so very blessed.  He is worth all the surgeries and pain, all the tears, wondering, and questioning God. He is here, and he is exactly who God intended for us. And we love him to pieces! 

I love watching his tiny fingers wrap around one of mine. I love holding him up and leaning my face against his and listening to him breathe. I love watching him pass gas and then smile about it. I love watching him calm down as a result of Silas shaking a rattle in front of his face. I love watching him gaze at Micah as he's being held in his daddy's arms. I love watching him yawn, and scrunch up his forehead. I love watching the hungry face...

turn into the content face. 

My precious sons. Each got here in a special way. Neither way was typical - both had their struggles. Even more reason to appreciate and enjoy them. 

You could say this family picture looks lovely but I'll keep the "realness" going and give you some behind the scenes info. Silas was experiencing some jealousy of his little brother and it manifested itself by him repeatedly leaving the picture scene. This shot was captured through both of my sister's efforts - one encouraging while she pointed the camera, and the other waving candy next to the camera, as a reward for him sitting and smiling! Yep. 

"I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him."

1 Samuel 1:27