Look What The Lord Has Done!

I was excited the second I woke up today.  That tightness-in-the-chest excitement that a five year old feels on Christmas morning.  Before being fully awake, I immediately smiled with the realization of…it's adoption day!

The surreal moment of standing before the judge 

who has been a huge part of our journey!

Both sides of the family - all smiles!

Living room, transformed!

His birthday is in two days, so our family 

had a party with two wonderful purposes.

Showing Silas the adoption photo book I made him.

I teared up today on the stand, when a lawyer asked me questions like, "How do you feel about this boy?" and "How has your extended family accepted him?" and "Will you feel different about him and your biological child?" Those questions feel odd because...he is just my son!  He's always belonged in our lives.
This whole day has been kind of surreal.  Maybe because he has already been our son for so long.  But we will taste of some new freedoms.  The first is that I can finally post pictures of Silas online.  Because he is truly, in every way, OURS!

Silas' November Quotes

When trying to get him to go to the table for dinner:

Me: You think I can get to my chair before you get to yours?

Silas: No. I gwab yours leg!

Ummm…prob-be nnnnot!

Come on gacket! (trying to put on jacket)

Kelly: What is your favorite dessert?

Silas: Back!

Me: Black?

Micah: Chocolate?

Silas: Yeah!

Kelly: You get to practice waiting. 

Silas, while clapping: Yeaaaaa!

Walked into Kelly's house, saw a shag rug, immediately ran to it, laid down, and rubbed his arms on it: I wike dis.  I wike dis a lot!

Silas: I wanna cookie. 

Me: Finish your food. 

Silas: My tummy hurtin'.

Me: Do you think a cookie would make your tummy hurt?

Silas: No, it make it betterrrr. 

Pwease me have some?

Rubbing his nose on my nose...

Me: What are you doing?
Silas: Somepin.

Rubs again, really hard. 

Silas: Somepin on your nose.  (Picks it off)

Me: What is it?

Silas: Smiles and shows me..."a boogie!"

Me: You wiped your nose on my nose!?!

Me: Don't touch it!

Silas: No me going to.  I walkin' over it.

Carrying a box over his head, walking around the house…

Silas: It rainin'.  You need get under da rainbow.

Me: Oh, is the box the rainbow?

Silas: Yeah!

Me: Does the rainbow keep you dry?

Silas: Yeah! Oh!  I need take box to truck.

Me: Why?

Silas: To work!

Lots of yelling from other room:

Silas: Go!…Go!…Me no happy!…Go!

Me: Why were you yelling?

Silas: There's a rabbit!

Me: A rabbit?

Silas: Yeah!  In the (Christmas) tree.

Me: Oh!  Tell Bella, she'll take care of it.

Silas: Whispers in Bella's ear, "There's a sqwerl.  And a bird."

Next thing we know, Bella is running around the tree and two ornaments are on the ground.

Five hours later…

That sqwerl not on tree anymore.  Ran away to somebody's house.  On her tree.

When helping Micah put the crib together, he looked at me and said, "I makin' yous bed, baby!" (got that one on camera!)


Micah: Silas, turn your listening ears on.
Silas: schewwww (turning motion with hands next to both ears)
Micah: Testing, testing, 1, 2, 3! Silas, are your ears on?
Silas: Yeah!
Micah: What did I just say?
Silas: I don't know!

We have a court date!

Can you believe it?  We finally have an adoption court date.  After living in our home for 957 days, our son is officially becoming Silas Winston Stickling.  No more monthly caseworker visits (though we do love our caseworker!), no more licensing visits twice a year, no more keeping clothing and toy receipts to turn in, no more logging when we give him medicine, no more turning in Bella's rabies paperwork…I could continue.

We will just BE FAMILY.  We are beyond excited!

The adoption date is December 16th - two days before Silas turns three.  He won't understand what this is about - I mean, he knows about his birth family and LOVES visiting his siblings twice a month, but he doesn't understand adoption.  Someday he will.  Every night we pray for his birth parents and siblings by name.  Someday he will realize why.  

I just finished making him an adoption photo book.  When I give it to him he will just think he was a cute baby, and say "yeaaaa" at the pictures he sees of his siblings.  But someday that book will mean more, way more.  It's part of his life.  One of my favorite pages in the book is titled "my new family tree." It has pictures of his grandma's and papa's, of Micah and me, and of him.  We're a family alright!  Just built differently.  There are different roots in this tree.

I get to go to the adoption in a wheelchair.  Woo hoo!  And my Jesus-loving Dr. gave me clearance to go to church that Sunday (it will be the day I become 33 weeks) so we can finally have a dedication service for Silas. Any and all are welcome to come to Jacob's Well and celebrate with us on December 22nd.  The dedication will be during the church service, which starts at 10:30.  It will be so WONDERFUL to formally commit to raising him in Jesus, with the church family who has loved him since he was tiny.

YEAAAAAAA!

October Quotes - boogers, poop, and little boy sweetness!

Silas is always busy working.  Notice his cell phone 

clipped on his pocket, just like daddy wears his to work.

Love this kid!

Me: Why are you picking your nose?

Silas: 'Cause. There's boogie in it. 

Silas: I wan' to work outside.

Me: It's wet. 

Silas: I walk on the grass. 

Me: The grass is wet. 

Silas: I walk on my shoooooes!

Silas: I wan' ride on a train. 

Micah: We'll set that up sometime. 

Silas: Mommy want to go? She need feel better. 

Micah: Yes she would like to go after she has the baby.   

Silas: Mommy stay home. 

Micah: Yes, but not forever. 

Me: Are you done pooping?

Silas: No. It's a big one. Stand back!

I throw it (a ball) at the moon! (Then runs toward the moon but a tree blocks his view.) Oh no! It all gone!

When trying to zip his jacket: I figgin' it out!...No can do it. 

After getting dressed for church: Daddy! I lookin' coo!

I wipe off yours kiss. Please put it back on mom. 

Micah: What do you want to buy when you fill up your piggy bank?

Silas: Chicken nuggets!

Silas: I wan' to see yours baby.

Me: You have to wait until it's born.  It will be awhile.

Silas: It come out your throat? Like this? (We think that is great logic, since he knows that's how food gets to the baby!)

Me: No. The Dr. will take it out of my belly.

Silas: Why?

Me: It's already in my belly.  That's easier.

Silas: Oh...You need to take yours jacket off?

Me: Yes, I will.

Silas: (Pointing to himself and Micah) We boys. (Pointing to me) You guwl. 

Me: Do you think the baby is a girl or a boy?

Silas: A guwl. I hug him!

Silas, when pointing to a picture in a book: Twinkle star!

Me: That's an octopus. 

When telling me all about how he and Micah helped Miss Kelly at church: I workin' real hard with daddy. I a workin' man. Daddy too. 

Mom! I pee on my poop! (In potty)

First independent meal prayer: Jesus...for...food...eat. Aaaaamaaan!

Never Been This Way Before

I have been reading the book of Joshua lately, and really getting into it. It's one of the books of the Old Testament that should seriously become a movie.  So many wonderful action scenes!  In chapter 3, verses 3 and 4 say, "When you see..the Lord your God...follow...Then you will know which way to go, since you have never been this way before."  You can bet that I underlined those words as soon as I read them.  How often am I led somewhere that I have never been before?  In this case it was a place, but many times it is a new challenge, or experience that scares me, in which I literally have to just put one foot in front of the other because there is no other option but to walk forward.  Sometimes this "way" is a place in my heart, where I need to forgive, or let go, or be joyous in circumstances, or simply let myself freely enjoy a blessing.

I just really like that - When you see the Lord, follow, so you know which way to go, because you have never been this way before.

About 10 years ago a precious lady spoke to a large group and something she said has come back to my mind so often. She said that God does not give us a huge light to see way down the path of our future.  He gives us "a lamp unto our feet" (Psalm 119:105). Just enough to see the next step, maybe the next few steps.  He wants us to trust him, and we need to trust him.  Because we don't know where we are going.  But he does.

He does!  And he is in control.  That is beyond comforting.  I sure love my Jesus.

Silas' Silly September Sayings

This has been quite a funny month.  Or maybe it's just that now I have the time to write down all the funny things he says...


Silas, talking about Bella: It's my doggie.

Me: It's our doggie.

Silas: Our doggie? I share my doggie you.

Silas, playing with toy saw: I cut wit saw. It's me job. And daddy job. 

Me: I can't do it?

Silas: No. You queen inside. 

Me: Are you doing more work or staying with me?

Silas: More work. I see you in a minute. 

Silas walked up to me and sprinkled imaginary dust on my stomach while saying, "pshhhh."  Then as he walked away, "For da baby.  Medicine."

Me: Silas, are you hungry?

Silas: Yeah.  I workin' all day! 

(He had helped Micah repair a down spout and was finishing helping him pressure wash the porch.)

Silas, at dinner, talking about daycare: MYYYY Gabby.  (They are known to be best buds, and he is protective of her.)

Me: Why is she your Gabby?

Silas: inquisitive look, thought for a moment, then shrugged shoulders

Silas: You work do today, daddy?  I wan' work wit' you! Work outside.

Me: Are you going to watch the Bears with daddy?

Silas: Yea. Homework. Daycare.

Silas, when reading/screaming himself to sleep - "No more monkeys jumping on the bed!!!!"

Silas: Get in it Bewuh.  Pwease?  I askin' you! (to get in a pile of pillows and clean laundry he had made)

Silas, when finishing up a bowl of ice cream: I eat it all gone. It in my yummy. I hungee. 

When watching football: They knock them all down!

Me: Did you have fun at church?

Silas: Yeah!

Me: What did you do?

Silas: I sing at church. 

Me: What did you sing?

Silas: Nothin'.

Me: Are you feeling better? Did your nose stop running?

Silas, inserting finger in right nostril and then pulling it out to look: "No in here."

Then, inserting finger in left nostril and pulling it out to look: "No in here. Yep!"


So grateful for my little guy!  Also, people have been asking if there is an adoption update.  It turns out that the although his paperwork had made it to the desk of a state adoption worker, that worker was not at her desk for three weeks - she was at a training instead.  But she got back a week ago, so maybe sometime soon? Once our caseworker hears that it is approved, she will schedule the first possible date that the courtroom has available, which is typically three weeks out, sometimes two.  The way I figure, each day brings us closer!  

Five years!

Happy five year anniversary to my wonderful husband Micah!

In honor of five years, here are five reasons I love you.

1.  You are patient, so patient.  

From all the times I change my mind about something, 

to getting up with our son three times last night!

2.  You seek wisdom to slowly make good decisions.

A perfect balance for my tendency to just 

make a choice and act on it right away.

3.  You have incredible work ethic.

And you are passing along this trait to Silas, 

who loves to "work" on projects with you!

4. You care for me, so much.

I am thankful for all the big and little things you do!

5.  You love Jesus, and it is so apparently seen through your servant's heart.

Thank you for leading by example.

Here's to many more years of laughter and cuddles...

Bed Rest

Today is day 19 of bed rest.  It started with a worried Saturday morning call to my doctor's cell, in which he told me to "rest, rest, rest." Three days later I went to see him, which resulted in an official order of bed rest. I am doing pretty well. Sometimes (like a few hours ago) I have short lived tears for things like a return phone call from a nurse saying that my Dr. will not give me permission to go to my massage therapist.  She said, "we can ask again in a few weeks if you are better."  I don't feel like I am doing poorly, but I guess I am on bed rest, and pain and soreness tire me pretty quickly.  Bed rest is significant, huh?  I don't want to think about that.  So I cried for maybe a minute and then filled my mind with something happy instead.  I have also cried because I wish I could be like many other pregnant women who can fill their "nesting" desire and go hop in the car and buy precious little things for their babe.  But then I remind myself that we are fine, I don't need to compare myself to others, I don't need to go out and spend money just because it is fun.  And I happen to know two grandmas who will be perfectly willing to shop for some onesies when this baby is born.  I have also really kind of mourned my extra time with Silas - we had such great talks on the way to and from day care and I miss them.  I believe he has been making up for it through extra hugs and kisses, and that is just pure joy!

Hmm.  I just realized that I told you in my last post that I don't like when people complain about being pregnant and I just did it.  I guess I shouldn't judge anyone. Can't fully understand anything until I have experienced it myself.  Also, I never understood what huge hormone changes can do!!!

BUT...most of the time I am not crying or feeling sorry for myself.  I have so much to be thankful for!  I am thankful for my husband and son, who bring me so much joy. I am thankful that wonderful people have signed up to bring us meals twice a week.  I am so grateful for this, because it is taking a huge load off Micah.  I also have four lovely ladies that are taking turns coming out on Thursday mornings to do laundry, clean my house, and visit.  They are totally saving us.  Again, a load off Micah.  There are many people who call, email, or visit, and who I can call to pick up random items from the store.  Family has been great about coming and helping with Silas so Micah can do things like cut down a giant tree in our yard, or take a much needed nap.  I am also thankful for my sweet cuddly dog who keeps me company every day. I am grateful for our really good insurance, and for my God-trusting doctor who is protective of me, and prays for me.  I am thankful for our small house, where everything is close by, and that the weather is nice and I can sit in our yard and watch Silas play.  I am thankful that I can listen to my pastor's sermons online, and that although I really miss going to church, I can now pause the sermon to take notes, and not miss out on something that he said.  I am thankful for my oh-so-wonderful bed, and my super-duper comforting snoogle pillow.  I am thankful for the extra medications that are keeping this baby safe, for the people that invented them, and my doctors that prescribe them.  It is amazing how choosing to be thankful is a huge mood-lifter.

I am also so very thankful that I am not walking those incredibly long school hallways.  That seems purely impossible at this point.  It has been very strange not to be at work.  I feel like I am in a different world, because I know my co-workers are busy and probably stressed out.  I am still reading school emails and know of the forms they are getting told to fill out, and the trainings they are attending, and know I will be a fair measure of "lost" when I do return.  But I can't worry about that, or how my students are doing.  I am tempted, and sometimes I just do worry.  But then that verse comes back to my mind - "A heart at peace brings life to the body."  It makes me recognize that worrying causes stress on my body, and I know that is not good.  I can't control not being at work.  My dad told me that my only job right now is to listen to my doctor and let this baby grow. He is right.

And this babe is giving me stronger and stronger kicks (Micah says it feels like a fist bump) to let me know that it is there, and that it is priority.  Such a great reminder, many times a day.  This is where I am supposed to be.  For such a time as this.

God has given us this miracle gift of a child, and I have been given the gift of resting until this baby is born.  So...that's where I am.  Some whining, some rejoicing, some gratefulness, some discomfort, and lots of hope for what is to come!

It's truly a miracle.

This is the hardest post I have written. I have thought about it for weeks, and worked on it for days. It has brought out a lot of emotions and refreshed some sadness.  You would think it would be easy because I am sharing good news. However. I am extremely aware of how my good news can be extremely painful for someone else.  

We are pregnant!  It is truly a miracle. Every pregnancy and birth is a miracle. It is incredible how God designed our bodies and how he develops tiny beings before their mothers even know they are there. I find myself often saying, "it's a miracle" for more than one reason. For me it is a miracle of miracles because we have traveled the long painful road of infertility, one a person cannot possibly begin to grasp unless they have lived it. I have gone through many different types of pain and loss in my short 30 years but the pain of infertility is very different. The sadness cuts deep and makes you feel like you are not "whole" because your body is struggling to do what is natural for the majority of women. It can throw you into a whirlwind of emotions just by seeing a pregnant woman at a restaurant, or hearing someone complain about their kids, or worse yet, complain about being pregnant when you would give anything for your body to be capable of being pregnant. I will be honest.  I have been very jealous of people who get pregnant soon after trying. No surgeries, no series of ultrasounds to find out what is wrong, no medications three times a day to help with endometriosis or polycystic ovaries, no data keeping and trying to figure out if their body ovulates. 

If you are someone who simply "stops preventing" and lets it happen when it happens, you are truly blessed. I am not upset with you, I want to make that clear. God has blessed you with fertility, and no doubt you have other struggles in life. But if you are like me, and it takes months or years and much physical and emotional pain to get pregnant...well then, I understand. And I am already praying for you. Please feel free to talk with me anytime, for my heart aches for you. I know this post may bring you pain, but my prayer is that it can also bring you hope. God's timing is perfect and he will NEVER leave us or forsake us. He won't. He is with us through the pain and it can bring us closer to him. I thought God was teaching me to hope but I have learned the bigger lesson is that he wants me to trust him. With everything, not just pregnancy. Everything. Every day. All day. 

I praise him for this growing baby, and for bringing me closer to himself. I need that closeness with my savior. 

If you are interested in seeing more of my heart concerning infertility click on this link - How to Bless Your Friends Going Through Infertility, or this one, by my good friend Jessi, titled What Not to Say.  Both blogs share practical ways of how we can all be sensitive with our words and actions, because sometimes we just don’t know what can be hurtful.  I think they are definitely worthwhile reads.

If you would, please pray for me. I have experienced some of the reasons that I am labeled with "high risk pregnancy." It has been scary but totally worth it. I am trusting that God will develop and grow this baby until it can join us and live on its own.  For as I am learning, the best way to live is to trust. Worry does not help anything. My soul is so much more peaceful when I am trusting. The verse I have been thinking about every time I start to get upset is this: a heart at peace gives life to the body. Proverbs 14:30. 

So.  I feel like that is the touchiest thing I have ever posted.  I hope it doesn't hurt anyone.  I just want to paint a picture for you.  I am doing this, not just for myself, but for the many women around us who are quietly dealing with infertility.  Let's be aware, and let's be gentle. 

Now a couple fun things…

If you want to read the poem Micah and I wrote to share our surprise with our parents and siblings, click here.  We told them at week 8, and this Sunday I will be 14 weeks.

Here is some other BIG news.  Our caseworker just told me yesterday that Silas’ adoption paperwork has not only made it to the state, it is on a reviewer’s desk.  On their desk, people!  We are so close.   His adoption should be FINAL in only a few weeks!

Thanks for reading.

Sara

Grateful - how we told our parents and siblings

Grateful

Thank you for walking what’s been a long road,

While seeds of trust in God we have sowed.

He has perfect timing, we know this is true.

All his promises we must cling tightly to.

For months Silas prayed, at meals and at night.

He asked for a baby, when my hope had lost sight.

God loves children’s prayers and he’s answered with yes,

With a baby our family it’s now time to bless.

So through this poem we announce life to you,

And now you all have a big job to do.

Please join us in prayer, each day if you will.

That God will guide doctors, this joy to fulfill.

You’ve always supported us our entire lives,

We’ll keep leaning on you ‘til this baby arrives.

Then the miracle will be here, for all to see,

Who God has brought our trusting family.

SS & MS 6-29-13