Bed Rest

Today is day 19 of bed rest.  It started with a worried Saturday morning call to my doctor's cell, in which he told me to "rest, rest, rest." Three days later I went to see him, which resulted in an official order of bed rest. I am doing pretty well. Sometimes (like a few hours ago) I have short lived tears for things like a return phone call from a nurse saying that my Dr. will not give me permission to go to my massage therapist.  She said, "we can ask again in a few weeks if you are better."  I don't feel like I am doing poorly, but I guess I am on bed rest, and pain and soreness tire me pretty quickly.  Bed rest is significant, huh?  I don't want to think about that.  So I cried for maybe a minute and then filled my mind with something happy instead.  I have also cried because I wish I could be like many other pregnant women who can fill their "nesting" desire and go hop in the car and buy precious little things for their babe.  But then I remind myself that we are fine, I don't need to compare myself to others, I don't need to go out and spend money just because it is fun.  And I happen to know two grandmas who will be perfectly willing to shop for some onesies when this baby is born.  I have also really kind of mourned my extra time with Silas - we had such great talks on the way to and from day care and I miss them.  I believe he has been making up for it through extra hugs and kisses, and that is just pure joy!

Hmm.  I just realized that I told you in my last post that I don't like when people complain about being pregnant and I just did it.  I guess I shouldn't judge anyone. Can't fully understand anything until I have experienced it myself.  Also, I never understood what huge hormone changes can do!!!

BUT...most of the time I am not crying or feeling sorry for myself.  I have so much to be thankful for!  I am thankful for my husband and son, who bring me so much joy. I am thankful that wonderful people have signed up to bring us meals twice a week.  I am so grateful for this, because it is taking a huge load off Micah.  I also have four lovely ladies that are taking turns coming out on Thursday mornings to do laundry, clean my house, and visit.  They are totally saving us.  Again, a load off Micah.  There are many people who call, email, or visit, and who I can call to pick up random items from the store.  Family has been great about coming and helping with Silas so Micah can do things like cut down a giant tree in our yard, or take a much needed nap.  I am also thankful for my sweet cuddly dog who keeps me company every day. I am grateful for our really good insurance, and for my God-trusting doctor who is protective of me, and prays for me.  I am thankful for our small house, where everything is close by, and that the weather is nice and I can sit in our yard and watch Silas play.  I am thankful that I can listen to my pastor's sermons online, and that although I really miss going to church, I can now pause the sermon to take notes, and not miss out on something that he said.  I am thankful for my oh-so-wonderful bed, and my super-duper comforting snoogle pillow.  I am thankful for the extra medications that are keeping this baby safe, for the people that invented them, and my doctors that prescribe them.  It is amazing how choosing to be thankful is a huge mood-lifter.

I am also so very thankful that I am not walking those incredibly long school hallways.  That seems purely impossible at this point.  It has been very strange not to be at work.  I feel like I am in a different world, because I know my co-workers are busy and probably stressed out.  I am still reading school emails and know of the forms they are getting told to fill out, and the trainings they are attending, and know I will be a fair measure of "lost" when I do return.  But I can't worry about that, or how my students are doing.  I am tempted, and sometimes I just do worry.  But then that verse comes back to my mind - "A heart at peace brings life to the body."  It makes me recognize that worrying causes stress on my body, and I know that is not good.  I can't control not being at work.  My dad told me that my only job right now is to listen to my doctor and let this baby grow. He is right.

And this babe is giving me stronger and stronger kicks (Micah says it feels like a fist bump) to let me know that it is there, and that it is priority.  Such a great reminder, many times a day.  This is where I am supposed to be.  For such a time as this.

God has given us this miracle gift of a child, and I have been given the gift of resting until this baby is born.  So...that's where I am.  Some whining, some rejoicing, some gratefulness, some discomfort, and lots of hope for what is to come!