Scared

I've got to admit, I'm scared to go back to work in a couple weeks.  (I'm a special ed teacher.)  I've been cleaning out my school email inbox this week and there are so many emails that are about meetings, details that needed to be worked out with schedules, paperwork, behavior plans...even emails to myself to serve as reminders to make special resources for certain students, and more about meetings, and meetings...my job has so many meetings before school, during lunch, and after school.  And each of those meetings takes a lot of prep time - many times hours.  It really gets kind of crazy, and it makes me work late on a regular basis.
But now I have a child.  I know he's not officially mine but I treat him like he is and I will be so upset with myself if I keep working late and only see him for 2-3 hours before he goes to bed.  That sounds awful!  I went in for a few hours yesterday, and after a couple hours of organizing files I just wanted to take a break (a trip to Dollar Tree - my kind of break) but I made myself stay because I told myself, "Little D is being watched right now, I need to use this time wisely.  Focus."  So I forced myself to stay.  I'm really going to need help to do that this year.  I get so worn out that my scheduled planning time is often spent eating a snack, going to the restroom, checking my email, and maybe setting out materials for my next lesson.  That's about all my brain can handle so that's all that gets accomplished.  Somehow I need to be better this year.  I was thinking that if I put a picture of "little D" on my desk, that it will serve as motivation to focus every minute that I'm there, so I can pick him up at daycare sooner.  But another part of me wonders if I should be so rigid all day...how will I survive and still love my students if I don't give myself to reflect and breath a bit?  You teachers out there understand - our jobs are not just about planning and teaching.  It's often about teaching kids how to make good choices, giving creative consequences when they do not, rewarding them when they do, and making split second decisions that may affect a student's mood and behavior for the rest of the day.  We're always looking for situations we can diffuse before they start, all the while trying to teach!  It can be so exhausting.
So I'm scared.
I'm scared of how to balance being a special ed teacher with being a wife and mom.  I've always had high expectations for myself, so much of my time is spent at school.  And much of my evenings have been spent thinking about or preparing for school, while I'm at home.  Something's got to give...but I love my students so much!  Yet family comes first, right?  Yes.  I pray that God, my husband, co-workers, and other friends keep me accountable.  Help!