Meandering yet Anchored

"If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."  I think this is why I haven't blogged or written a Christmas letter in over two years.  Life has been hard.  Really hard.  I've been using all my energy just to keep up with my day-to-day duties and I didn't have energy to write.  My best friend/husband/partner in life is gone most of our waking hours because he's working so hard to earn a degree in engineering from U of I.  My job is consuming; I think about my students all day long, and spend a lot of time (during and after the work day) tweaking their instruction and my schedule to serve them better.  My own children get "exhausted mom" after work, at the time of day when none of us are at our best. There's also the whole money thing.  Our family of four lives on a teaching salary so you can let your imagination go on how creative I have to be with meal planning and coupons.

So why am I writing today, when I haven't written in so long?  All the above still exists, but I have learned some better coping strategies.  I'm doing a book study on Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend.  This book has made me see how often I say yes, when I should say no.  My reasoning has always been to just "be nice" and help people because that's what Jesus would do.  But in reality, that's not always what Jesus did.  Sometimes he left, by himself, so he could talk with God.  If Jesus took time for himself, I would be wise to follow his example.  I have a tendency to give until I'm drained, and then someone asks me to do something.  I reason with myself why they need me more than I need time to relax and recharge.  I've found that I need to take better care of myself.  One big change I have made recently is to make sure I give myself an hour to relax before bed each night.  If Micah is home and has time to relax with me, that's great.  If not, it's just me and our dog. :)  This ensures that I get some time with Jesus and my Bible, and also time to watch a show or whatever I feel like doing.  I've got a long way to go and I know I have more boundaries to draw, but it's definitely a start.

Another thing I have done is learned to be ok with the fact that I'm not in control.  I can't control the rigor of Micah's classes, but I can have a good attitude about taking care of the kids so he can study.  I can't control that my son has ADHD and has trouble focusing long enough to brush his teeth in the morning without multiple prompts.  But I can walk into work with a smile instead of a sigh that I'm late once again.  I can't control the many responsibilities that come with my job.  But I can try my best to stay focused while I'm at work and finish tasks instead of moving from one task to another, resulting in me needing to come back to work after my kids are asleep.  I can't control the fact that we are currently a one-income family, but I can shop at Aldi for groceries and combine sales with coupons to buy things like shampoo.  I can find ways to use items we already have instead of buying something that would be "perfect" for a situation.  I've learned so much about living on a tight budget, and even though it can be hard to deny my kids fun activities that cost money, I can be intentional about finding free activities.  And I can thank God that we are living within our means instead of gathering debt during this time.

The second reason I'm writing is because I know I'm not the only one who is not going on vacation over spring break.  I want to encourage my friends who don't have the means to do things they wish they could.  We can all get creative and make the most of what we have!  So...our family lives on the cash system and I have $22 left to spend this month.  (The beauty of the cash system is that we "pretend" we don't have money in the bank because it's allocated for bills, and once the cash is gone, we don't buy anything else until the next month.  Gas is not included in the cash fund.)  This week I'm going to blog about all the fun things I do with my kids, with $22 or less.  I'm looking forward to the challenge!  My goal this week is to enjoy every moment with my kids.  I don't want to worry about things on my to do list that I feel like I "should" have gotten done.  I'm just going to bask in the enjoyment of a week with them, all day, every day.

Speaking of those sweet boys... Tonight Silas and I were teaching Levi how to play Uno.  He had one card left so I told him to say "Uno."  Levi's version was, "ooooohhhh no!"  When he finally said "Uno" correctly it was really loud and enunciated.  Love it!