It's truly a miracle.

This is the hardest post I have written. I have thought about it for weeks, and worked on it for days. It has brought out a lot of emotions and refreshed some sadness.  You would think it would be easy because I am sharing good news. However. I am extremely aware of how my good news can be extremely painful for someone else.  

We are pregnant!  It is truly a miracle. Every pregnancy and birth is a miracle. It is incredible how God designed our bodies and how he develops tiny beings before their mothers even know they are there. I find myself often saying, "it's a miracle" for more than one reason. For me it is a miracle of miracles because we have traveled the long painful road of infertility, one a person cannot possibly begin to grasp unless they have lived it. I have gone through many different types of pain and loss in my short 30 years but the pain of infertility is very different. The sadness cuts deep and makes you feel like you are not "whole" because your body is struggling to do what is natural for the majority of women. It can throw you into a whirlwind of emotions just by seeing a pregnant woman at a restaurant, or hearing someone complain about their kids, or worse yet, complain about being pregnant when you would give anything for your body to be capable of being pregnant. I will be honest.  I have been very jealous of people who get pregnant soon after trying. No surgeries, no series of ultrasounds to find out what is wrong, no medications three times a day to help with endometriosis or polycystic ovaries, no data keeping and trying to figure out if their body ovulates. 

If you are someone who simply "stops preventing" and lets it happen when it happens, you are truly blessed. I am not upset with you, I want to make that clear. God has blessed you with fertility, and no doubt you have other struggles in life. But if you are like me, and it takes months or years and much physical and emotional pain to get pregnant...well then, I understand. And I am already praying for you. Please feel free to talk with me anytime, for my heart aches for you. I know this post may bring you pain, but my prayer is that it can also bring you hope. God's timing is perfect and he will NEVER leave us or forsake us. He won't. He is with us through the pain and it can bring us closer to him. I thought God was teaching me to hope but I have learned the bigger lesson is that he wants me to trust him. With everything, not just pregnancy. Everything. Every day. All day. 

I praise him for this growing baby, and for bringing me closer to himself. I need that closeness with my savior. 

If you are interested in seeing more of my heart concerning infertility click on this link - How to Bless Your Friends Going Through Infertility, or this one, by my good friend Jessi, titled What Not to Say.  Both blogs share practical ways of how we can all be sensitive with our words and actions, because sometimes we just don’t know what can be hurtful.  I think they are definitely worthwhile reads.

If you would, please pray for me. I have experienced some of the reasons that I am labeled with "high risk pregnancy." It has been scary but totally worth it. I am trusting that God will develop and grow this baby until it can join us and live on its own.  For as I am learning, the best way to live is to trust. Worry does not help anything. My soul is so much more peaceful when I am trusting. The verse I have been thinking about every time I start to get upset is this: a heart at peace gives life to the body. Proverbs 14:30. 

So.  I feel like that is the touchiest thing I have ever posted.  I hope it doesn't hurt anyone.  I just want to paint a picture for you.  I am doing this, not just for myself, but for the many women around us who are quietly dealing with infertility.  Let's be aware, and let's be gentle. 

Now a couple fun things…

If you want to read the poem Micah and I wrote to share our surprise with our parents and siblings, click here.  We told them at week 8, and this Sunday I will be 14 weeks.

Here is some other BIG news.  Our caseworker just told me yesterday that Silas’ adoption paperwork has not only made it to the state, it is on a reviewer’s desk.  On their desk, people!  We are so close.   His adoption should be FINAL in only a few weeks!

Thanks for reading.

Sara

Grateful - how we told our parents and siblings

Grateful

Thank you for walking what’s been a long road,

While seeds of trust in God we have sowed.

He has perfect timing, we know this is true.

All his promises we must cling tightly to.

For months Silas prayed, at meals and at night.

He asked for a baby, when my hope had lost sight.

God loves children’s prayers and he’s answered with yes,

With a baby our family it’s now time to bless.

So through this poem we announce life to you,

And now you all have a big job to do.

Please join us in prayer, each day if you will.

That God will guide doctors, this joy to fulfill.

You’ve always supported us our entire lives,

We’ll keep leaning on you ‘til this baby arrives.

Then the miracle will be here, for all to see,

Who God has brought our trusting family.

SS & MS 6-29-13

It's getting better!

Today's potty training stats:
- 2 times in underwear
- 9 times in the potty!!!!

And two of those times he actually stopped playing (while outside no less!) and told me he needed to go!  My little boy is growing up!  I'm so proud!  Now if we can just get over the fear of the big toilets in public restrooms...

Also, in unrelated stats, he killed at least 4 bugs today.  If you need any assistance in that area, he's your guy.  However, yesterday he said, "excuse me bug" when one was on the slide with him.  Doesn't quite line up, does it?

Everything you need to know about potty training (not really)

If you gauged a person's favorite hang out place by how much time they spend there, this would be mine.

These are the top 10 things you need to know about potty training, especially if you're doing it with underwear instead of pull-ups:

1. You're probably going to get peed on, and you'll most definitely touch pee.  (Silas has started to say, "No pee on you mommy.  Walk away.")
2. You'll need a special place to put all the soiled clothes, because there is no doubt that they'll pile up...I have a whole load in my washing machine right now.
3.  If you have a boy, one area of your bathroom floor is going to get washed way more than it usually does.
4.  When you tell your child there's a new reward they can earn if they go pee, they might think you really mean, "pee in your pants in exactly one minute and you'll get three raisins."
5.  Playing outside is not nearly as scary as playing on your new carpet.
6.  Have your child wear rubber sandals, because once he pees on two pairs of old tennis shoes you only have the good shoes left.
7.  Remain clam.  Say "oops," smile, and clean him up again even if you feel like pulling out your hair.
8.  You might start looking forward to bedtime because then he'll wear a diaper and you will be safe.
9.  If your child pees while standing at the back door and you pick him up and run him inside to the bathroom, remember to shut the door behind you.  Otherwise your dog might run outside because she wants to jump the fence, and you and your spouse might be chasing her around the tree until one of you catches her.  Meanwhile your child will be running in your house without pants.  Hypothetical of course.  Or it could have happened to us a few hours ago.
10.  When your child poops in the potty at 6:00 p.m. after a long day of changing his wet pants...well that my friends, is nothing but pure victory!

There are some more things I've learned, but that pretty much sums it up.  Also, this song is our new anthem.  Found it on youtube today and Silas loves it.  Seriously loves it!  "The Potty Song"

P.S. Thanks to the grandparents for being excited every time Silas calls to tell you he went in the potty.  I think it might be his favorite reward!

"Where my Daddy?"

Yesterday Micah and a few guys from church left on a service trip.  They're on a Navajo Reservation in Arizona, doing some construction work and probably doing manly things like grunting and belching and passing gas and not saying excuse me. I'm excited for him, and so glad he could go.  But it's different around here.

Having Micah away is a fresh reminder that...
- he has mastered the art of excellent Saturday morning breakfasts and I have not.  I burnt the hash browns and put too much milk in the eggs...at least the toast turned out fine!

- our dog goes to the bathroom a lot...and somebody has to take her outside!

- he does the dishes much faster than I do.

- I'm accustomed to being able to talk with him in person or pick up the phone and call him whenever I feel like it.

- Single parents do double duty!  I'm amazed they get anywhere on time.  

- Silas LOVES his daddy! ("Daddy eat wit' us?"...and when reminded that he wasn't here, "Daddy sad?")

I miss my best friend, it feels like half of me is gone.  What affirmation that God very purposefully placed us together! Yes, I'm getting tired and sappy...

Can't wait to hear all the crazy stories when he returns.  With this group of guys, anything could happen!

I want to DO SOMETHING!

Sometimes I want to do more.  They are so many orphans, so many needy people, so many people who are homeless right here in our community.

I want to do something big for God.  I've been really stuck on Isaiah 58 the past few days - read it and you'll see why.  It is looking very "read" right now, with many parts underlined, and a couple notes in the margins. I believe I'll return to it tomorrow.

Sometimes I am bursting to do more.  But I don't think it's time, I don't have peace to jump forward.  Probably because I don't know what it is. But I want to do something.

So, I will support a couple who is doing something, something big. They have 6 kids - 4 adopted, 2 biological.  That warms my heart more than I can explain.  I first met them when she (Jami) spoke at a conference about being foster parents.  Now they're on the journey to adopt a child from Uganda, but they need $6000.00 more.  They need it soon, because their adoption paperwork is getting to the point where they need to pay.

Find out how you could support them by clicking here to watch their "home made" commercial...Speedy Sweep You Tube Video - Kaeb family style

or click here to read her blog and find more about the why and how they are doing this!

I Si-yus Me

Yesterday at church Silas ran up to a teacher, pulled off his name tag to show her, and said, "I Si-yus me."  Just in case you didn't know. :)

Today I got a funny report when I picked him up from school.  An old teacher of his, from when he was in the baby room, came up to him, knelt down at his level, and said, "Hi D____."  He literally turned his body 360 degrees as if he was looking around the room for someone of that name.  Then he pointed his thumb at his chest and said, "right he-yuh?  I Si-yus."  That totally cracked me up!  Not only does he know who he is, he's got some attitude and humor.  

So for anyone out there wondering if he transitioned ok to his new name...I'd say the answer is yes!


This Saturday Micah needed to work on a home project so I took Silas to the Children's Discovery Museum.  Now, anyone that knows Silas, or honestly anyone that meets him, knows within about two minutes that he is active.  I often hear the words "active" and "busy" from people as they describe him. Yep, I know.  I also know that he loves art.  This boy colors and draws and paints like nobody's business.  He actually prefers it to TV or iPad apps.  Oh yeah!  Anyway, he is typically moving from one thing to another, but on Saturday he literally spent 45 straight minutes painting at the CDM.  Painting includes spraying with water and wiping down the paint with a squeegee, and he quite enjoyed it!  See below.  Some day I'll post all kinds of pictures of his face, and funny videos (yesterday we got a great one of his making a huge mess eating chocolate pudding and saying, "Happy day, mommy!").  But for now, here's a strategic faceless picture that I managed to catch!

Life with this two year old is not always a bed of roses.  People often refer to the "terrible twos" and I don't like the phrase, but now I am hoping that it's true...because that means it will end.  Seems like there are all kinds of behaviors I could target, but in my job I've been taught to focus on three or less, to not overwhelm kids, to help them be successful.  Well, I picked a couple!  One is that he is often saying "no" when he really does want something, and "yes" when he doesn't.  It creates meltdowns when we follow through on the words he actually says.  I sat him down this weekend and told him that Jesus said to let your yes be yes, and your no be no.  I've explained it enough, and modeled it enough, that I think he gets it.  That doesn't mean he follows it all the time though.  He's testing us.  You say you don't want toothpaste and then you throw it...well, that means you'll have to brush with only water (sorry teachers, for his bad breath!)  When asked if you want milk or water, and you say you want milk, then you get milk, and can't keep changing your mind back and forth between the two.  "No milk.  Water.  No water."  Agh...but sometimes he makes great choices, and has the best laugh, and is a big helper, and says the sweetest goodnight prayers.  Seriously, when he requests to pray for a special person, or animal, or inanimate object, and then repeats our words to pray, I just melt.

It's worth it.